As I sit beneath our sheltered deck, listening to the rain while the flames from the propane fire sway before me, I am overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude. What’s peculiar is that today, which should have been my “Monday” as I return to work after a weekend of rest and household chores, finds me seated here, penning these words. Why, you might wonder? Well, I am currently battling laryngitis, and any attempt to speak is met with pain. It becomes quite challenging to fulfill my role as a counselor when I am unable to utter a word. Ironically, though, I perceive this as a transformative period in my life.
Over the years, I have dedicated myself to self-discovery, healing old wounds, mending fragmented parts of myself, and striving towards wholeness. This journey reached its pinnacle last year when I embarked on a profound inner exploration during a healing retreat. Supported by a compassionate few, I embraced my pain and unleashed it with a newfound voice. This was a departure from the way I had carried myself before—silently blending into the background, allowing others to shine. Nevertheless, a part of me always yearned to be acknowledged, seen, witnessed, and celebrated in my own strength.
Since that transformative experience, I have oscillated between embracing and retracting from that empowered state. I have encountered individuals who I believed had discovered their own truth and voice, only to witness them retreat into fear and scarcity when faced with uncertainty. In those moments, I struggled to stay on my own path. Did I falter? Undoubtedly! This is incredibly arduous work, often hidden from the awareness of many. And that’s a good thing because this journey is uniquely mine. The more authentically I express myself and remain true to who I am, the more I can become a source of wholeness for others. I hold a vision of their healing, while also fearlessly and compassionately holding them accountable for any unkind, unloving, or disconnected words and actions.
After dedicating so much time to inner work and experiencing profound healing this past year, I now find myself in a paradoxical situation. My body, perhaps in a twisted cosmic jest, has rendered me unable to speak—the very voice I diligently sought to uncover. And yet, within this realm of silence and an unexpected day off, I can transcribe my thoughts into writing, sharing this personal odyssey. I am aware that many have encountered similar resistance when embarking on an internal revelation or making choices that may be daunting, pushing the boundaries of their comfort zones. Often, something arises that has the potential to derail our progress and revert us back to what is familiar and safe. It is during these precious moments that we are presented with a choice: retreat into the known and confined or continue taking one step at a time, further embracing change, truth, and the essence of not just existing, but truly living.
So, what lies ahead for you? As for me, my next step is to persistently share, to continue collaborating with remarkable individuals, and to bear witness to their own journeys. Each day, I choose to embrace my voice with gratitude and a loving, yet unwavering, fierce strength.
